


so many sleepless nights

by thefeelsonthebus



Series: Night Visions [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bisexual Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes & Sam Wilson Friendship, Bucky Barnes Returns, Disney Movies, Feels, Light Angst, M/M, POV Bucky Barnes, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Sequel, blink and you'll miss it though - Freeform, brief anxiety/disassociation, read part one before this for an idea of what's going on
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-26
Updated: 2015-05-26
Packaged: 2018-04-01 04:14:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4005526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefeelsonthebus/pseuds/thefeelsonthebus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He didn’t want to think about how he’d be seeing Steve in a few hours. </p><p>He didn’t want to think about he’ll probably fuck it up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	so many sleepless nights

**Author's Note:**

> title from Imagine Dragons - I Bet My Life
> 
> it might be a good idea to read part one before this

Bucky’s foot was twitching nervously at Sam’s desk. He’d asked for a computer to distract himself with as Steve made his way to Washington DC, after Sam had found him and let Steve know. He didn’t want to think about how he’d be seeing Steve in a few hours. He didn’t want to think about he’ll probably fuck it up.

 

His hands had hovered over the keyboard for a while, before finally typing in _Disney movies._ He clicked on the Wikipedia page, and had been browsing the plots of them, ill at ease, for two hours. He didn’t realise Sam was coming up behind him until a cup of water and a ham sandwich was placed beside his left hand.

 

“Anything good?” He asked, resting his hand gently on the back of the chair.

Bucky didn’t feel twitchy or nervous. He trusted Sam. There was something honest about him.

He looked at the clock again. “The Lion King.”

“Ooh, that’s a classic. One of Steve’s favourites.”

“And… And Mulan.”

“That’s one of his favourites too.”

“Beauty and the Beast, The… The Princess and the Frog… Frozen -”

Sam was nodding until the last one, then he stumbled backwards.

“Not Frozen!”

 

Bucky was suddenly worried that he’d done something wrong. “What?”

“Frozen is the biggest craze of three to ten year old girls in this day and age. I must have heard the songs from it about 50 times in this month alone. It’s a film about snow and it’s September.”

“I still…” He changed tack. He wasn’t quite ready to accept that he could make decisions himself in front of other people yet. “It look - looked good. Elsa did.”

“Oh, God, you’re becoming one of them. I’ll have to get you a blue sparkly dress and heels. It can be your superhero costume.”

Bucky laughed nervously. “I’m not –“ His voice trailed away as the doorbell rang.

 

He and Sam exchanged a look. “I’ll get it,” Sam said. Bucky didn’t reply.

Bucky stood up as he heard the door swing open. Then –

“Where is he?”

_Steve._

“Where’s Bucky?”

“He –“

“Here.”

 

He stepped into the view of the doorway, finally laying eyes on Steve. Steve’s mouth opened and shut for a few seconds like a goldfish, then he shoved Sam out of the way, (Bucky might have found it funny in another life, and if it wasn’t _Steve,_ God it was _Steve,_ ) and ran forwards to scoop Bucky into a hug.

 

“Buck –“ He choked, not even trying to be coherent. “Buck you – I just – I – You –“

Bucky wanted to reply, but he had a lump in his throat the size of Texas, and he just buried his face in Steve’s shoulder and tried not to cry.

 

What seemed like hours later, Steve pulled away. Bucky didn’t want to; he just wanted to hide in his shoulder for eternity. But Steve’s eyes were suspiciously wet, and Bucky was hit by a sudden rush of affection for his best friend. “I’m glad you’re back,” Steve said.

That really summed it all up for Bucky.

“But, but are you sure I’m ok?” Bucky mumbled, unable to stop himself. “I’m not him, I’ll never be like he was, and if you don’t want to deal with that then –“

“Hey,” Steve brushed a hand against his cheek. If anyone else had done that Bucky would have shot them, but it was Steve. _Steve._ God, he still couldn’t believe it. “I’m fine with it. Whoever the hell you are. I don’t mind, whatever you decide, I just –“ He paused for a second. “I thought you were _dead,_ Buck.”

Bucky swallowed. “Stevie…” Scratched the back of his neck. “Stevie, I… anything you want, I don’t care. I – It’s gonna be hard for you, you need to –“

“Understand that, yeah, I do. I get that. You’ve been through _hell,_ Buck, and –“ he saw the way Bucky’s face paled even just by mentioning that. The cold. God, the _cold,_ it was _awful –_ “Buck? You still with me?” His hand tightened on Bucky’s waist, bringing his back to reality. “Do you need anything?”

“I –“ Bucky breathed in slowly. He was about to say _I’m fine,_ and lock Steve out again, but _no,_ he couldn’t do that. “A hug would be nice.”

 

He tried to sound nonchalant, but his voice cracked at the end of the sentence.

 

Steve gave a breathy laugh and pulled Bucky into another hug. Bucky pushed his nose into Steve’s shoulder and blinked tears out of his eyes as Steve gently stroked his head. “You’re okay, Buck. You’re safe. I don’t care how much I have to remind you. I’ll do anything so you can feel comfortable and safe with us. I lost you once, I’m not losing you again.”

 

Bucky pulled away, to look at Steve and try and smile, to try and express his gratefulness. He reached one hand up to his eyes to wipe them, just as Steve brushed his fingers against his other one, his metal one. “Steve?” Bucky asked quietly.

Steve tugged his hand away. “Sorry,” he stuttered. “Sorry, you probably don’t – remember it – I shouldn’t have –“

Bucky, with a sudden thought of _oh fuck it_ , grabbed Steve’s hand with his flesh one. He curled their fingers together carefully and watched Steve smile cautiously.

 

“Do you want a coffee?” Sam shouted from the kitchen. When Steve didn’t answer, he came back into the room. “Steve?” Bucky flitted his eyes briefly to Sam, then back to Steve. “Sorry. Bad time?”

“Yeah,” Steve breathed. He only had eyes for Bucky.

“I’ll phone Nat. She won’t want to be running around looking for Bucky when we found him.”

When Steve didn’t respond, Sam disappeared.

 

Steve slowly brought his other hand up and placed it on Bucky’s left shoulder, rubbing soothing circles just above his collar bone with his thumb. “You know,” he whispered, slowly and carefully, “It isn’t looked down on anymore.”

“What?” Bucky felt like his chest was being crushed by a polar bear.

“Well,” Steve was rambling now, “I mean, it is in Texas, that’s Texas, for God’s sake, it’s the –“

“What isn’t looked down on?”

Steve breathed in, then said, so quietly Bucky almost couldn’t hear, “Same-sex relationships.”

Bucky stared at Steve for a few seconds, then hugged him again.

 

This time it was more charged – Bucky swore he could feel Steve’s heart beating through his chest. When they pulled away, he was somehow six inches closer to Steve, and their hands were still linked.

“They’ve got a word for me, Buck,” Steve said breathlessly. “A word for someone who likes guys and dames.” Bucky loved the way he slipped back into 1940’s slang. “I’m bisexual, Buck, and two thirds of people don’t even care anymore.” His voice got lower. “We could be together, Buck, like we wanted to be back then. If that’s what you want. I don’t want to force you into anything, oh God, I'm sorry for bringing it up, you probably don't -”

Bucky shut Steve up when he nodded, and squeezed his hand.

Steve smiled shyly. “Natasha’s been trying to set me up with people for months. She’ll be pleased I’ve finally found someone.”

 

Just as Natasha was mentioned, Sam stormed back into the room. “She’s at Barton’s farm! I worried she was working her ass off going around the country looking for Bucky and she’s at Clint fucking Barton’s farm!”

Steve laughed quietly, though he still had his eyes on Bucky. “What’s she doing at Clint’s farm?”

“I don’t want to know.”

Bucky laughed at that, albeit softly. Steve’s eyes softened.

 

“Do you want to come back to the tower?” He asked quietly.

Bucky nodded. “Sam… Sam mentioned the Disney films.”

Steve’s eyes lit up. “Yeah, there’s loads more! They’re so good, and I –“ He stopped himself. “Sorry.”

“It… it’s fine, Stevie.” He paused for a few seconds.” There’s… some that look quite good.”

“Whatever you want, Buck. I’m sure Tony can set up a movie-watching room for us when we get back there.”

“That would be... nice.” Bucky squeezed Steve’s hands, and smiled up at his oldest friend. Then he spoke again, quieter, so Sam couldn’t hear. “Thank you for trusting me.”

“I’ll always like you, Bucky.” Steve’s voice caught. “In fact, I –“

 

“What movie do you want to watch first?” Sam asked, apparently oblivious to their conversation.

Steve rolled his eyes at Sam, and grinned shyly at Bucky.

Bucky bit his lip, smiling. “Frozen.”

 

Sam groaned.


End file.
